Hi everyone,
I wanted to share something I've been thinking about, and I'm curious to hear what you think about it too. I'll try to explain it as best I can.
Some recent things that have happened in my life have made me see two things that feel like they might be contradictions, but also they both feel true at the same time:
- I can think whatever I want, what matters is what I do
- What I think determines whether I get stuck, or gain forward/outward momentum
Behaviourally, what I'm thinking about with 'what I do' and 'gain momentum' is about socially taking healthy risks. Sharing something about ourselves, saying what we really think or feel, or being willing to be seen in a difficult mood or situation. Vulnerability, I think. The courage to be vulnerable.
With the first idea above, I can believe this, but it's still hard to switch from negative or limiting thoughts and into new behaviour. Something I've found really helpful is the concept of 'de-fusion' from acceptance and commitment therapy. The idea is that we can recognise that we often 'fuse' with our thoughts and take them to be full reality, even though they are just thoughts. 'De-fusion' is then when we break that over-identification and step back, unhook from, or release/stop chasing the thought. Here's a good 2-minute video with a sushi train metaphor to help explain this. 🍣
With the second idea, my experience lately has really been more and more that the thoughts I follow though and go deeper into, determine how I feel and what I do. So kind of the opposite of the first one. The thoughts I believe and choose to keep thinking determine the next thoughts I have. They make me feel optimistic, or not. Better, or not. Less afraid, or not.
More able to take healthy risk, or not.
The idea with the concept of momentum here is that what I've noticed is that the actions I take towards healthy risk (opening/connecting with others/leaving my comfort zone) don't have to be perfect, they just have to be bigger than the actions I'm taking in the opposite direction. I just have to believe those thoughts more than the ones that keep me stuck. The energy either spirals upwards, or it stops. 🌪️
Once I think "ok, I can do this, I'm ready", and I take the first step towards opening, the next step usually follows. The momentum of it takes over. The other person helps me.
And so what I'm concluding right now is that the thought I go with initially, the thought I choose to trust, the thought I allow to influence my actions, determines whether I stay in my comfort zone, or expand it.
Does this make sense? Do you feel the same way?
I'd really love to hear.