So.... my flatmate walked by as I was typing an email, mumbling to myself.
Apparently not everyone has constant verbal practice of what you're going to say, running it four or five times until you sound just right? Like- my flatmate kind of nodded and said, "I'd do that for a big speech or something, but your email is literally just to say thanks please send over that document. It's not a biggie."
We ended up having a very stilted and awkward discussion where I kind of said, "but what about when you're you know going out for drinks and stuff and you need to know what to say beforehand or when you're at the checkout or post office or anything?" and of course my flatmate blinked at me like I was nice but clearly fresh off the spaceship from Mars.
So the idea that social situations aren't a battlefield you have to gear up for, put on your best armour and prepare for in advance was just.... I don't know. I knew I had social anxiety in the moment, but I didn't realise that there was all this extra sort of mental stuff I was doing even when I'm not actually in the anxiety-inducing socialising!
Is that just me, do you all do this too?
(it took me way too long to write this but thank you for being a place to put it where I don't have to worry how many likes I get or who's going to read it in my friendship group)