Many of us have read statements like:
- This feeling is hard, but it will pass soon
- I do not need to feel ashamed of who I am
- Feeling nervous and awkward is ok
- People probably aren't judging me
- I am still a good person, even if I feel anxious sometimes
We may have thought "Yes, this is helpful. If I just remember to tell myself this next time I feel anxious, it won't get as bad."
But then when we do feel anxious again (as all human beings do), it can feel like these statements have evaporated.
We may even feel annoyed or angry at ourselves for not being able to remember them.
Why is that?
The answer lies in the brain. We know from neuroscience studies that two brain structures are involved in this process, and their roles help explain the phenomenon:
- The prefrontal cortex is the front of the brain, where planning and rational thinking happens
- The amygdala is a small almond-shaped structure in the deeper part of the brain where fear and threat responses happen
Research shows that these two structures inhibit each other (for example, Akuravand & Maroun, 2007.)).
This means that when we are planning (for example, planning to remember to repeat a helpful statement to ourselves), we are generally not experiencing strong emotions.
And, when we are experiencing strong emotions (for example, anxiety when meeting strangers at a social gathering), it is difficult to access our planned thoughts or memories.
When we feel intensely anxious, our thoughts, physical reactions, and even behaviours often happen so fast that we don’t have a chance to pause, look at what is really happening, remember what we already know, and make a wise choice. This is exactly because the amygdala inhibits the prefrontal cortex.
The psychotherapist David Richo has a good metaphor for the relationship:
"We might say that the [amygdala] is like a horse, at times spirited, at times wild. The prefrontal cortex is like reins. We are the riders, with varying, but certainly improvable, levels of skill."
So how can we start to get better at improving what we already know?
We can help ourselves in two main ways:
- Gradual real-world practice: it is most effective to work on our anxiety very gradually, such that we do not get too overwhelmed in a given situation, meaning that we can still access our planned thoughts and memories - in other words, we can still choose how to respond.
- Returning to calmness in the situation: when we take time to slow down in the moment, for example with deep breaths, we may start to remember that we have inner resources, memories and tools, and from there, we may start to be able to use them.
Alena is built to help you practice both of these.
Wishing you luck and lots of self-compassion on your journey with this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sometimes forgetting our resources - in fact, it's a sign that your brain is working :)